So I had to go to the bank, and I knew things were going wrong before I got there because I could feel my nipple at least one and then later two rubbing against my sweatshirt. Of course I did wear my stupidest of all bras, it was a gift from that couple and I have been missing him, and our play, but still I realized I had put on weight when I couldn’t fit in it and was bouncing out of the top.
The young Chinese man that helped me, didn’t help things as he was clearly staring at part of me that is not my eyes. It is weird, these moments, my cheeks flush with shame, but at the same time, my pussy is drenching my jeans, my brains says drop to your knees and suck him off, my brain says fix this you shameless stupid whore and hide your titties away, my back arches just enough to be slightly painful. My mouth says, “I need to use your restroom”
I realized I had been putting on weight, which makes sense as I have liked titty fucking more than usual. All things titty more than usual. So then I had to masturbate in the bathroom stall, because for some reason humiliation and sex are all tied up together, that and my pussy was demanding attention.
Then I went home all quiet, but I was rewarded. I will write about that the next time I have a chance, I usually don’t have privacy on the weekends. But I will say, after watching some of my party videos, I do think natural tits bounce way better than fake ones.
oh fits me in the waist and hurts my tits. Of course makes me weird and horny as well.
I mean who doesnt love a man burying his face in your tits? I mean I am supposed to not like this? So I know I do stupid confusing things, but isn’t getting attention confusing? Isn’t this the closest thing I know to love? This makes me a bad person? What is a good person then?
Are really not that bad, I mean depending on who is conducting. My exs friend Tim of well, slept with him when we I was with my ex guy, which isn’t that specific, but have been letting him get me to entertain. It’s not that bad, he isn’t all controlling. Plus what haven’t I already done? Plus he gets my weird fetish about old fat guy sucking on me a bit. It is not that bad. Just sitting on someone’s lap for awhile. Although I do hope I get over it soon as it kind of sicks me out.
Okay so am still not taking better pictures but okay, sue me.
Maybe I will never learn. I am not meant to be floating in space here, I was lying on my floor but wanted to make my floor unrecognizable.
I don’t know what those white lines are all about at the bottom.
Other than that, I am trying very hard not to have my marriage fall apart. I am the total victim in this breakdown EXCEPT the fact that I have been up to my old tricks. That yes, okay, there was a power-play here a catalyst. That got broken down though, like I have a choice, like the help ever has a choice? But the barrier was broken, the fragile wall that I had set up shattered.
Sex feels like getting wasted, like not being here, being in ecstasy, total pleasure, but just like getting shit-facested can have a fuck of a hang-over.
I am a dick, I am an asshole, I am a disappointment. Which reminds me that I have/am a total perv. who despite being female which is somehow supposed to make me pure, am not pure. Someone told me recently I talk like a man about sex. It reminded me of my mom telling me about her spin the bottle stories, she went in a closet in jr. high and kissed a boy, he told her, “You kiss like a boy!” Which shamed her. “How did he know? I asked. She laughed.
Why am I like I am about sex? I still don’t know, but after starting this blog I am closer to knowing. I don’t feel as bad as I did, but I still don’t know why I am a total perv. I am not allowed to be, I am not supposed to be, I am a chased after girl. What is wrong with me?
The thing I notice is sex has a real relationship to stress for me, when I feel most alone, I act out that way. It is hard to take not-boring pictures esp when it is your same old boring body.
I looked over at the man saying that to me.
“I’ll call K. she can call you and you can take care of him “he said. I guess he is in the biz of getting women for famous guy who fucks a lot.
“Sure” I said. I didn’t mean it. I will not. I could meet him but no, gross-out from here. Disgusting. I am disgusted, because this guy is famous I am at his disposal, I will play but not how they are thinking I will. He will never be inside me.