aloha

aloha.


oh what they play with

oh what they play with

me, they play with me they pinch me


Can’t Keep All the Titty Pic.s straight

Can't Keep All the Titty Pic.s straight

So my couple has been away and I have been fucking pretty much everyone. I don’t understand it. Even a chick who was a hair puller. I am only used to men pulling hair.

So many nights with strangers, I can’t wait until my couple comes back. Last night, making goo-goo sounds as my head was pulled down on some guy’s cock. He pushed me down fast and hard so I kinda choked. And made weird goo-goo sounds

Oh P.S. I started a facebook page I don’t have any friends atm but if you want to friend me that would make me so happy. It is under my real name. https://www.facebook.com/chastity.goodrich.5


Yes

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I Fucked Him Anyway

I wasn’t interested, I wasn’t uninterested. His bigness made me curious.  Tall, which I know me, doesn’t mean much, but taller than most,broader.  I wondered how he would feel.    I am under file-cabinet’s boss control completely, I don’t even know if he is interested in me, really.   I had a dream that he held me down and spit in my face.  I woke up upset.  Total submission. Still he is not around a lot.

So yeah,  his friend bought me dinner, we went for a walk, a drink.

Then we were back at his place.  I acted so docile.  I don’t know why I do that.  I sucked his dick, but he was anxious, so he laid me back on his bed.  It didn’t hurt very much, His body-weight didn’t hurt, I sank into his mattress.  I made him promise not to tell anyone.  How can I tell?  I think men tell.  Will I get fired?

All I could think later is at least I was wearing my favorite bra.


Oh Yeah, Duh

Last night I was so distracted at dinner.  My husband asked me what was wrong.  After some improvement my fork to mouth action just stopped again.  It is weird how my body just shuts off food at times like these.  It will come back I know.   It didn’t come back today yet, but I did eat a chicken sandwich, so that is good, but that is not enough energy for even my body.  I slept four hours.

I can’t tell my husband.  He knows about some things, he knows about some things that have happened since we were together.  I don’t know how he will react.  I think it makes him sad.  Sometimes he will ask what I was doing what I was wearing.  For the record yesterday I was wearing a baggy turtleneck over baggy jeans, because now everything I own is baggy pretty much.  Sometimes he looks sad and confused when I tell him, other times he starts asking questions.  Questions that aren’t obviously accusing, but questions that sound accusing to me.  I think it makes him feel helpless and afraid so he wants to blame me.

So I didn’t tell him.  I didn’t tell anyone because I don’t want to be blamed.  I did think about it.  I thought, oh that kid, who looked younger than me to me, skated down steps, skated in a bee-line into me, skated into me when there was plenty of open space around me.  I have seen skaters fuck up before, but they lose their boards, he didn’t.  They fall down on the ground before they hit you.  Even though I turned my body, even though I closed my arms around my softest parts, his first hand landed there, his second on my other tit.   Then it seemed like a third rubbing around the small of my back.  I mean I know the guy didn’t have three hands.  His tall torso pressed against me though, I just kept my eyes closed and went to that far away place in my head.  I actually don’t know how long it lasted.

I was just trying to close up in myself.  I remember him rubbing me like a genie lamp. I didn’t open my eyes until he held me by the shoulders and said he was, “so sorry”   I shouted and walked away, did I imagine his smirk?  I wanted to say, if you can’t stop from running into people you shouldn’t skate.  But my mouth was all angry and closed.

But of course he could stop.  He could go down steps, it reminded me of the time I used to get a ride to work from the guys who used to turn the heater way up to make me take off my sweater.  I didn’t know that at the time, again too stupid. I wouldn’t know that now but one of them told me later, how it was  a joke that I would wear a sweater in the summer and they would turn the heat up.   I would turn red, but not take off my sweater.  I mean even with a shirt underneath.

We went to work really early.  6:00 a.m.  So I used to go to the gym before hand, it was a 24 hour gym.  Often after I finished working out the man that worked there would accidentally go through the locker room as I was getting changed and naked.   That is what I told them one morning.  I was tired of it, I mean after about six times you think he would learn.  So I told the turn up the heat guys.  I was sitting in the back seat saying how I didn’t want to complain because he couldn’t remember.  I mean he wouldn’t want to hurt me on purpose, right? 

I will never forget when I got it, it was before they said anything.  They looked at each other, with a knowing look.  That was when I knew I had been a fool.  Then the one that would become my lover said, “That’s not an accident”

I felt stupid, stupid, stupid.  I don’t think of doing things like that.  So I always think that it is an accident.  I don’t look at people and want to harm them, so I don’t think people want to harm me.  I really don’t know what happened yesterday.   I just closed my eyes and went away, but I remember him all over me.  I felt jumpy all again today, around joggers, anyone moving fast.  I have of course had much worse things happen to my body, the whole your body belongs to anyone thing.

It changes though when it is fresh.  He was so tall.  I was so small in comparison, I was so overwhelmed. I turned to look at him when I wanted to shout.  He did not look back at me, he seemed happy, his head was up.  I turned around and worked on making it very small inside me, no big deal, just an accident.  I don’t feel helpless and afraid.  My God, if I talk about it I am bragging about my tit size.  Even my own mother will tell me, because I am more like my grandma than her, “You are just bragging now”  She wonders why I don’t want to talk to her.

It reminds me of when I was living alone just before I got married.  Some guy was hassling me and my apartment manager got all involved and wanted to call the cops and tell them I was a woman living on her own.  I said, “Don’t, don’t call the cops” he was confused, but then he has never been around horny cops, while handcuffed who need to “search you for weapons”  I couldn’t tell him that.  I will spare you the details but I didn’t scream.  I went away like I do.  I thought I was going to be killed.


Good And Bad

So everything is a mix right?

Good things:

Feeling sexy vs. sexualized.   Feeling like climbing on my husband and bouncing away in the early morning.  Feeling like I can do this marriage thing.  I can be a person who is monogamous and my body is mine.  My body is not just for whoever wants me.  I can overcome my past.

 

Bad things:

 

Feeling like I can’t overcome my past.  Feeling so sexually motivated.   Feeling like I hide away from sexual attention which I do get during the day, and ignore, and then want to act on in the night.   Shame.   Taking my shirt off in front of  a lesbian to get my way.  I had a tank-top on underneath, but still.  Did get my way.

Hearing other women joke about me.   Tonight.

 

Oh which reminds me of my shovel story.

 

So me being me, having the troubles I did.  I decided to get really drunk one night and drive around.   This is just one of the many, many stupid things I have done.

I wound up in jail.  Which I deserved.   Part of my sentence though was community service?  Idk, digging a ditch is what it amounted to.   So okay, I never mind digging ditches.  But there was this man there.  I think he saw my tittage.  Because the next thing you know, he is carrying my everything.  He is doing his work and mine.

There was also a woman there.  As big as a mountain.   She started to make comments about how she wanted to hit me over the head with her shovel.  Because she thought I was shirking work.    But I wasn’t.  I felt helpless and scared and the work leader kept saying that he would take me out for drinks after work so I could get another DUI and work for him again.  Which only made mountain woman hate me more.

So yeah, I have been given a lot of things for free.  I have even had men try to buy my fucking groceries.  I have seen them slip their wedding  rings off into their pockets.  It always comes with a price though.  Always.  Shovel to head price.

Which by the way, I went silent for a week or so and lost about half my followers.  Why?  I mean it surprises them I feel shameful? idk.  or I am being punished or paranoid.  Idk.