Dominance

So I think I have said I am going to a shrink, he always acts amazed when I tell him about my sex life but then he also seems to steer the conversation there. How did I end up here?

One of the things I have noticed of late is even though I have a very nice and strong lover, I somehow feel disappointed when we fuck because it is not stressful, because it is just him I was trying to figure out why I am so open to weird situations with authority figures vs. fucking like a normal person. I thought back to when I first had sex, puppy post, bent on gaining the approval of older boy and because of that his brother who humiliated me as well as insisting he bone me. Which I have always blamed for my need to be dominated, but then I remembered when I first got my tits, which as I have said was super early..

This thing happened that I hardly ever think about and never talk about but so even before I had magical moment with older neighbor boy and the his piggy brother, I have this uncle who is not that much older than me. and as I have been trying to figure this stuff out and why I miss the whole collared pet thing even though I was not that into it, and why I have found myself seeking out very unwholesome situations, like one dick is not enough, and feeling this bizarre need to put myself in strange sexual situations.

I was thinking about my uncle who was about 20 when I was 12 and suddenly a c/d cup, how he used to like to make movies of me with our weird old neighbor friend. I think it reminded me of the pet-play, because my uncle would also put his hand on my head and redirect my gaze and kind of control my body movements but he always had a big video camera.

He would make the same stupid movie of me over and over, we would be in the garage the deal was I had to strip and sit on old neighbors lap who lapped up just my one tit, oh man the guy would sit for hours like I was nursing him. Chewing, sucking, sometimes lifting me up and down and if I looked away, or tried to get away, my Uncle and his friend Matt would “punish me” which weird I didn’t remember but also had to o with me being a dog. My uncle was more into filming me than fucking me, but I do remember I actually preferred the fucking to sitting on Carl’s lap, getting bounced but mostly sucked and chewed oe with my uncle constantly correcting my head. His hand on top of my head, “look at me, I don’t care what he is doing look at me”

God, now that I am thinking about this no wonder I am superwhore. I would always end up doing something wrong and Matt would have to punish me, my uncle was’t that sexually into me, just filming me and only a couple of times in the garage, mostly with him it was early morning in my bed, not the whole doggy thing. But then it was always back on Carl’s lap with his greedy one tit centered mouth and look at the camera, look at the camera. You know, the shaming, their laughter.

I guess that is why I am such a perv. now. I remember it and miss it. I don’t know, there is more, like me trolling for paid hook-ups as of late, not eating again, wearing short skirts and not even trying to hold them down in the wind. I know the world must think I am a bad person, but there is such a strong call to the fucky.